ACT THREE

 

(FEW WEEKS LATER)

(JOHN AND THE DOCTOR BOTH SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER.)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

But, John, what you're saying to me is that you are hanging on to a traumatic past;  absolving all the blame from the accusers, which your mind has created, is compromising your truth. The cycle of memories will resurface, crucifying all the jovial thoughts you have acquired, which will no doubt transport you and your ancient ordeal back into your consciousness.

 

JOHN

I am at the end of my rope now.  If you don't find a solution quickly, I will surely end my life.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(ANGRY)

If you talk like that, I have no choice but to commit you to a solitary room.

 

JOHN

So, what is the difference?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you want to be locked up, with surveillance for twenty-four hours daily?  Under observation without any privacy at all? With nothing to do but stare at the white walls?

 

JOHN

I have no privacy now, so being in a room by myself will suit me fine. My life is an open book; everybody, including yourself, has access to it.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

True, but presently, you are free to roam about, go for walks in our lovely gardens, and talk to people with similar problems.

 

JOHN

Locked up or not, under observation or not, there is one unique thing they cannot touch and control. My nightmares. My colourful imagination, my desire to embrace fear!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John, listen to me carefully. You've been here for a few weeks now, and it seems I can't get hold of your nightmares. I keep giving you sedation, but it is not an ideal thing; I don't want you to turn into a vegetable. A Zombie!

(HE PAUSES)

​

JOHN

(PUZZLED)

So, you're not sending me back?

Are you?

 

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

No, of course not. It is time for a change in the healing method. Today, I will try to see what's in there (Touching John's forehead) once and for all. John, like I told you a few sessions ago, when the time comes, I'll change my ways to help you, and that is today; now, it is the right time. I am going to hypnotise you. Are you OK with that?

 

JOHN

Hypnosis?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Only if you agree to it.

 

JOHN

Yes, of course. Go ahead. You know what you're doing, and I trust you.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

 

Thank you.

 

JOHN

(CURIOUS)

What exactly will happen while being under hypnosis?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Hopefully, you'll be cooperative. I will have an interaction with you, and you will respond to the suggestions I make. When people hear hypnotism, they conjure up images of sinister stage villains who bring about a hypnotic state by swinging a pocket watch back and forth, making someone dance like a chicken, and so on.

 

JOHN

Do you do it differently?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

 Yes, I will serve as a teacher or coach if you like. I will help you to become compelled to say anything without fear or shame. You will tell me whatever you wish. You'll have the control to do whatever your mind tells you to do or say.  While hypnosis is often described as a sleep-like trance state, I like to describe it as a state characterised by focused attention, heightened suggestibility and vivid fantasies.

 

JOHN

I understand!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Hypnosis can vary dramatically from one person to another. Some hypnotised individuals report feeling a sense of detachment or extreme relaxation during the trance state.  While others even think that their actions seem to occur out of their conscious desire. Other individuals may remain fully aware and can carry out conversations while in hypnosis.

 

JOH

You won't make me jump like a chicken or strip naked, will you?

(THEY BOTH LAUGH LOUD)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That would be something. No, I am sure this treatment will help you. I'm certain of that; however, I am not sure I will be able to cure you completely. The percentage of reducing your anxiety, your worries, and your distress is very high. I must also warn you that while amnesia may occur in rare cases, people generally remember everything.  Hypnosis will have a significant effect on your memory. Posthypnotic amnesia can lead you to forget certain things that occurred before or during the hypnosis. However, this effect is generally limited and temporary.

(PAUSE, THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER)

So what do you think, John?

 

JOHN

Yes, I am bound to agree. The only concern I have is not the hypnosis itself; I am keen to know if it will help me forget the past. And really, that is what I want.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

No, I cannot promise you that. It might cover some, but hey, we can give it a good damn try.

 

JOHN

Yes, we bloody do.

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(THE PSYCHIATRIST MOVES A CHAIR OPPOSITE JOHN'S AS TO SIT OPPOSITE HIS ON THE SAME LEVEL. HE STARES AT HIS DEEPLY)

Are you comfortable, John?

 

JOHN

Yes!

 

PSYCHIATRIST

Good! Now, I want you to close your eyes.

(JOHN DOES SO)

Good…....

Please imagine walking in a field of red poppies, with clouds above you and a lake running on the other side. There's a beautiful sunset; when you look at it, the sun's heat warms your face and makes you feel relaxed. Good John. You are doing very well. Now, take a deep breath.

(JOHN  RESPONDS)

Good…...

Now let it all out.

(JOHN RESPONDS)

I am going to ask you to count to ten backwards…..

Can you do that, John ……

(JOHN STARTS COUNTING BACKWARDS AND SLOWLY)

(FROM NOW ON, JOHN IS IN A TRANCE)

Yes!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(HE STANDS AND MOVES THE CHAIR AWAY. FROM NOW ON, HE WALKS, STANDS, OBSERVES JOHN ETC.

John, you are going backwards in time....2010....,

OK, now further to 1990......Are you there, John?

 

JOHN

Yes, I am 24 years old..…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That is very good; now go further backwards,  

1980, 1975,1970..…

How old are you now, John?

 

JOHN

I am eight years old. …

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Where are you and what are you doing?

 

JOHN

I am at nursery school, and the sisters are being horrible.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Sisters?

 

JOHN

Nuns! You know, with their black veils…...Nuns..….

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why are they horrible to you?

 

JOHN

They want to feed me a boiled egg. I hate boiled eggs…....

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

OK, John, we're going a bit forward; it is l971

 

JOHN

I am nine years old.

It is Sunday morning, and my mother is going to take me with her to Church.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

To Church? Are your parents religious?

 

JOHN

Catholics!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Is your father coming too then?

 

JOHN

No. Daddy sleeps late because he works late at night.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you always go to Church with your mother?

(JOHN DOESN'T ANSWER)

What else do you do with her on Sunday?

(JOHN DOESN'T ANSWER. HE RESISTS AND SHOWS IT)

Did you hear me, John…....

(JOHN NODS)

Tell me, please, why don't you answer me?

 

JOHN

I don't want to go there.…...

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Where? What do you mean?

 

JOHN

I don't know, I mean….…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why? Is something happening? Tell me, John.

 

JOHN

(UPSET)

No!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why not.......

Tell me!

(JOHN DOESN'T ANSWER)

Why don't you want to tell me?

​

JOHN

It's not a pretty sight......I don't want to say anything.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(VERY CALM AND PERSUASIVE)

OK, John...... Don't tell me that......But you are still going to Church.

 

JOHN

We are about to leave the house…..

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Good, you are dressed in Sunday's best clothes; Mummy has taken you by the hand, and you are walking to church......Is it far?

 

JOHN

No, not very far.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Right, have you arrived yet?

 

JOHN

Yes.......We are in and sitting near the back; she always sits at the back.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

So you stayed there listening to the service?

 

JOHN

No, we didn't stay long; after five or ten minutes, Mum got up and took me outside…...

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Where are you going now?

 

JOHN

She is taking me towards the strand, chatting and laughing with me…..

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Good, what else?

​

JOHN

I'm laughing, too.  But mummy stopped.  

She stopped in front of a closed shop. And I know where she's going and for what.…..

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

And?

 

JOHN

She is tapping on the glass door..…

It opened, and a short, older man told us to go in.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Who is the man?

 

JOHN

I don't know who he is, but he is the same one we see on Sundays.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST   

What's happening now?

 

JOHN

The usual. The man gave me some chocolates and lollipops, and Mummy told me to be a good boy and not to move. Then they go into another room.…..

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What's happening next? Are you sitting?

 

JOHN

Yes, I cannot move because Mummy will be cross if I do. Mummy is in the other room, with no door but a long, big curtain.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you know why Mum is in the room with the man?

 

JOHN

(SHOUTS AND CRIES AT THE SAME TIME)

Yes, the man is fucking my mummy! It is horrible! I want to scream, but I can't. I want to go inside and stop him, but I am frightened.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Calm down, John, please calm down.

 

JOHN

(VERY EMOTIONAL AND DISTRESSED)

I will kill him. I will kill the bastard..…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(INTERRUPT HIS QUICKLY)

You are now ten years old......... OK?

 

JOHN

(HE  CHANGES  QUICKLY  AS  THOUGH  HIS  HYSTERICS  NEVER HAPPENED)

 

I'm in the Boy's Brigade uniform; I look smart.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

You were in the Boys Brigade then. Where are you going?

 

JOHN

This is my first year, but I don't like it here. Mummy insists that I go.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why don't you like it?

 

JOHN

He makes me do things?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Who John?

 

JOHN

Mr. Johnson!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What does he make you do?

 

JOHN

(EMBARRASSED)

You know he makes me touch his, down there! He kisses me, pulls down his pants, puts it in my mouth, and tells me not to tell anyone or he will hurt me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Did you tell anyone?

 

JOHN

No.

(WHEN JOHN TALKS ABOUT HIS MOTHER, HE IS FULL OF LOVE AND DEVOTION)

No, but mummy stopped me going.  I think she knew something; I am not sure.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(HE GOES AND SITS BEHIND HIS DESK)

OK,  John. How was your relationship with your mother after you discovered what she was doing with the other man?

 

JOHN

(PROUD)

Good. Very good. I was her baby, you know, the youngest.  There is a five-year gap between my brother and me, and I am seven years younger than my sister. Our relationship was great; she was obsessed with me, and I adored her. Mummy was a beautiful woman, tall and slender, with pitch-long wavy black hair cascading like a waterfall over her shoulders. She had piercing dark eyes which seemed to glow every time she opened them. Her lips were full and sensual, always painted red; she always had her lips like that. Red was a predominant colour in her life; it was her trademark.

(STOPS AND PAUSES)

She knew damn well she was beautiful and used her beauty as bait and manipulated men to achieve her goal. She was also a very generous woman. Mummy also had many faults. As a mother, she was very oppressive;  she interfered constantly and often bit her nose to spite her face.  On the other hand,  she truly loved me. As I told you, I was in her world and obsessed with myself. She ruined me with her love, with her kindness and especially with her generosity.  I never wanted for anything.

Yes, the relationship with Mum was great. She knew well that I still remembered what she did and took me, and what she did with that man.

I say this frankly: we did not need to say anything every time we looked into each other's eyes. We knew what each other wanted to say.

That damn secret within me went hidden for all these years. I'm afraid I took advantage of that because of her guilt. Whatever I asked for was given to me without hesitation. Yet I felt guiltier. I felt sorry for her. I wish I had not seen anything. I was distressed about the whole thing, and years later, I realised something through my alcohol addiction. If mummy was addicted to sex or money, what is the difference between her addiction and mine? Addiction is  fucking  addiction, and that is all. Why should anyone criticise her? Why condemn her? Especially me?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Nobody is doing that, John. Continue, please..…

 

JOHN

Mummy was my life, whom I adored more than myself and much more.

Since I was already subjected to the knowledge of sex at an early age, I got hooked quickly. Women and sex became an essential part of my adult life. After I left the Brigades, I befriended a man ten years older than me. Come to think of it now, he was my brother's friend first, but then he had his eyes on me as a ten-year-old. Though I say a man, I don't think he was the full shilling.  He behaved like a child most of the time. He played with miniature soldiers, painted them and made parades with them..….

He painted beads in the colours of nations' football teams and played football with them, like Subbuteo. He used to come to our house frequently and create religious festivities with small statues of the Madonna; he frequently came to our home, especially in the evening, watching television and drinking black coffee. A  child of ten would be fascinated by these things. I used to go to his mother's house; he was an only child, and his father died when he was very young.  My mum didn't think about him a lot, as I said, he behaved like a child, and she thought I was safe with him. It didn't take him long to seduce me, and I became his primary playmate. He used to bribe me with small gifts and promises. Yet, what I hated most was not what he was doing to me but what he was doing to another young girl in front of me. I could do nothing but watch in fascination.  This was the first time in my life that I saw a girl with her knickers down at ten, and I was stunned. This continued for a long time. Not every day, but enough to make me sick whenever I think about it. Eventually, it stopped. I grew up and was no longer a little boy, but surprisingly, we stayed friends. I always asked myself why I stayed friends with him after what he had done to me all those years. All I know is that within four years, between 8 and 12, my childhood, my life was utterly in the hands of a paedophile and a sex-mad mother.

(HE CRIES)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

We are going to move on, John.

You are a man now.…

What are you doing?

 

JOHN

I am all alone in a pub, drinking whiskey.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why are you alone?

 

JOHN

That's the way I like it.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Is that all you do, drink whiskey?

 

JOHN

No, I usually make my move if a woman attracts my attention. I was very good at that. I am a charmer and acted like a Greek bearing gifts; I had money to burn those days with the help of my mother. It was a weapon which I used often, and it never failed.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

It would help if you had a scope, a goal…...

 

JOHN

Only one thing. An important factor which I have done quietly and successfully. I wanted to avenge my mother.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

How?

 

JOHN

I thought men used my mother, although it was only one particular man; in my eyes, I thought women are all unfaithful bitches of the same pattern, and it is I who should bring them down to their knees and not vice versa.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

But you said avenging your mother. To avenge means to inflict harm in return for an injury or wrong done to oneself or another.

 

JOHN

But mine was different; I did not want to harm or cause pain. I decently took the punishment; I tried to use women for their bodies only, nothing else. To fuck them and manipulate their bodies from top to bottom, I wanted to devour their lust and expand on it, leaving them exhausted and spent.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John, listen carefully; we will now leap much forward in time; to be exact, it is yesterday. What did you do yesterday?

 

JOHN

Not much. The nurse gave me my medication early, had breakfast, and went for a long walk in the gardens. In the afternoon, I read a book of poems. I do a bit of writing myself, but I like poetry. Then, in the evening, I watched television.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

With other patients?

 

JOHN

No, I don't like to be in a crowd; I prefer to be alone.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What else did you do?

 

JOHN

I fell asleep, and that was when it happened.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What happened?

 

JOHN

A vivid nightmare. One of the weirdest I have had.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Tell me about it.

 

JOHN

First, it started with me being eight or nine years old, running fearfully through the woods; someone was running after me. I don't see anyone, but I know I can feel their presence; I hear horrifying screams; I  hear the groan of a baby.  I run towards it, and I see it. The groans got louder, and the baby was in awful pain. I tried hard not to look, but couldn't look away either. I had to see, I knelt, the flowers underfoot crushed, I had to touch it, feel its pain, its agony, its death! I know the person is behind me, but I know who it is; the face is blurred, though the person is familiar to me. I try to protect the baby, but I have been pushed aside; it moved closer to the child and killed it. I am back where I was, playing in the woods, by a small house belonging to my mother; I see every image and sound clearly. The house is behind me, far away now; the woman is not with me; she's further away picking flowers. Then she calls me; I dash without any thoughts; she's wearing jeans and a tartan shirt. I can smell her perfume, and she smiles. She gets up and takes my hands, and we walk towards the house, yet something tries to blur the image to stop me from watching. We come by the house; I don't want to go in. I pull my hand from her, and she calls me in; I hesitate, and she calls again. I slowly walk towards the door and stop. I am scared. I go step by step..…… until I am inside. She is standing smiling at me.…..I started to cry a little, and I knew what was coming. I do not want to do it. I am forced, I have no willpower, she's all over me, skin to skin..…..

Then I wake in fear but not upset. I wake up aroused. I want to masturbate. My fear of pain activates dysfunction in sexual excitement.

(HE TAKES A LONG PAUSE)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you know this woman?

 

JOHN

Yes. She's my aunt.

​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Continue John.

 

JOHN

I was in a small village. It was a gloomy afternoon, and I was on a journey of shadows. They were watching me. I could feel them nearby, but I did not know who. I kept walking for a while on a deserted street. I did not see the village's name, but the roads were not tarmacked, and the buildings were spread out. I don't think I could see two houses adjoining. As I kept walking from an isolated coffee bar, I heard the music. It was sixties music. I quickened my pace and opened the glass door of the shop. The song  "Nights  In  White  Satin"  by the Moody Blues was played on an old jukebox. I went to the counter, but there was nobody there. I called out, but nobody answered. First, I wanted to know the village's name; secondly, I was dying for a drink. The whole place was deserted. I went to the backyard, but nothing except dustbins filled with rubbish. I returned, where I had the same strange feeling of being watched. Scrutinized. It was strange. I sat down weary on a chair….. 

I called out again for some service and took some money from my pocket. Without reaching the end, the song stopped abruptly, and the song  “I’m Going To Take You Away” started.  With my thoughts of being watched and the song about taking me away, I panicked and rushed out of the bar. Outside, I kept asking two questions over and over again. Where am I? And who the hell am I?

Apprehensively but not frightened, I took to the road again, hoping to find some people at the centre of the village.  The rain started to come down, and I did not care. I kept walking and walking. It seemed I was walking a road that led to nowhere. Yet I knew all the time I was being watched. The evening was creeping in when I arrived at the top of the village. Suddenly, I heard a church clock chiming, and my heart was filled with joy. I ran towards where the sound was coming from, and at last, I was in the middle of a fully-fledged village. It is a village without people, a silent village except for the church clock. As I passed the houses, I knocked on doors and tapped windows. I even opened some unlocked doors and shouted in. I thought about the jukebox, and it would have been very appropriate if they played the song by the Tremeloes, “Silence is Golden”.  The clock stopped chiming, and my footsteps were the only sound I could hear. The rain stopped.

Then, when I lost hope of finding somebody, in a corner, I saw a woman sitting on the pavement. I ran fast, calling to her, but she did not move.  When I got a bit closer, the woman vanished. I  thought someone was playing a joke at my expense, I uttered. I  started to laugh hysterically. As I  walked towards other shops, I heard a telephone ringing; it was coming from a telephone box by the church. I picked up the receiver, and someone was speaking. “This call is not for you. Please hang up...Please hang up...”I  slammed the receiver and left in a hurry.  I entered a newsagent's shop; I looked around and saw nothing,  only that on a stand with books that caught my eye; the books were all the same.  “The  Last  Man on Earth”.

I shivered, and I shouted very loudly. “Am I in hell?”

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

You were all alone in an unknown village. Isolated? And the only thing you found was a woman, and she wasn’t there?

 

JOHN

(STILL UNDER HYPNOSIS)

I wished it were my mother. When I am frightened, I always want my mother.

​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

A mother who did those terrible things in front of your eyes?

 

JOHN

It was okay what she did. I am an adult now, and I see it from a different point of view. I admit she should have taken more precautions to shield me from it; I am the youngest, I was only a small child, and she couldn't leave me behind. I had to go wherever she went.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

The book you saw was "The Last Man on Earth". You were frightened when you read the title, yet you always told me you like to be alone. Do you think the loneliness you experienced was maybe the place you always wanted to be with the  Lord of Darkness? You see, John, right now, you are wishing for all the hateful things you have in your life. You are finding it closer. You are trying to live another life. You detest the way you live, and you are living it the same, but you are controlling it better in your nightmares. Now tell me, are you still in the village? You came out of the bookshop, then what?

 

JOHN

This old village, somehow, I had a notion that I knew it, but I wasn't sure. I always thought I should meet someone here, but not in an isolated place like this. Yes, I thought I was going to meet her. She disappeared long ago from my life altogether, without knowing what happened to her. I only know that she lives in my memory. My journey is long and tiring, though  I  did not expect to find her here. But I did.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Whom are you talking about, John?

 

JOHN

Her! Who else?

(HE SAYS IT WITHOUT REVEALING)

I arrived at a church and walked in, hoping to find a whole congregation; instead,  I saw this woman sitting in the middle. I walked towards her, and she turned her head towards me when I was close enough. It was her. The only woman I truly loved, for she was my woman! She was the only woman I treated well. I loved her because I never contaminated her with lust. I walked to her, sat beside her and forgot I was in church because I started kissing her all over, and she responded. She wiped the tears from my eyes and spoke.

"Why, John, why?" 

"Why what?" I asked.

Then, all of a sudden, I remembered something horrible; I remembered that she was dead.  I kissed her face again, but it was as cold as ice.  The atmosphere is weird and breathtaking.

"What have I done to her? Why did she disappear?

(HE  STARTS  TO   CRY  IN   HYSTERICS, SO  MUCH  SO  THAT  THE PSYCHIATRIST TRIES TO END THE HYPNOSIS. BUT JOHN DOESN'T RESPOND)

I know.  I know why  I have the nightmares. I know my grave secret......

I was really in that village. I was there many years ago.  The woman  I had loved for the six years I lived there. She was my fiancée; we were about to get married when I found out that she was unfaithful. She was like my mother all over again. I could not take that. One humiliation was enough. So I killed her. I smothered her while I was making love to her for the first time in my life, here in this village, by a building expansion, and I placed her body in one of the empty piles of the building, knowing it was going to be filled up with cement. I was young then, about 18 years old, I think.....

I got away with it, but not in my nightmares.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John, on the count of five, you will wake up.  You will remember nothing.

I hope you can live again.

One...two...three....four...five.…

 

 

BLACK-OUT

THE END