THE PATIENT 

A Psycological Drama in 3 Acts

ACT TWO

 

(A WEEK LATER)

 

(JOHN IS SITTING WITH HIS HEAD DOWN ON HIS KNEES)

(THE PSYCHIATRIST IS  STANDING BEHIND HIM)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(STARING AT THE AUDIENCE)

As you know, John is my patient. He is one of those people who has nightmares quite often. I have been seeing him for a long time; the last session was last week. I know, but I must admit, his nightmares are getting worse. I was hoping that by now, the treatment was beginning to ease his tension and anxiety. I tried to teach him how to cope with them and will continue to do so. In a moment together, John and I will walk hand in hand towards the middle of all this trauma.

 

(HE GOES AND SITS AT HIS DESK, TAKES A NOTEBOOK, PUTS ON GLASSES (IF NEEDED), SORTS HIMSELF OUT AND RELAXES IN THE CHAIR.)

(JOHN LIFTS HIS HEAD)

 

Hello again! How are you today? Are you comfortable?

 

JOHN

Yes, I am, doctor.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Good, that's very good. At the moment, what do you feel?

 

JOHN

I do not know. I am confused today!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why is that?

 

JOHN

(HE TALKS AS IF HE'S IN AN INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION)

You see, doctor,  I  look hastily around me and do not realise immediately. I am still gazing around me, and from the  midst of my mind, I seem to recognise something familiar,

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

You mean you recognise me?

 

JOHN 

No, yet when I look again, I ask myself, am I on the right track? Looking intensely, I see a weird thing at that (POINTING) unusual corner. I say unusually because, in truth, I am looking at my heart, floating in the corner, as if when I came in, it hovered over and left me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

But you know that is not possible.

 

JOHN

With my imagination, everything is possible. That is because by looking at it, I can quickly glimpse the past I thought I had left behind. Viewing it without control seems absurd to you, but not to me. The question is, why?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That is the cause of it all, the past! Yet, because you keep digging into it, you are trying to find what is missing from your memory. You know what that thing is, yet, unintentionally, you are blocking it. Once we establish that, we can improve significantly.

 

JOHN

I try my very best to do that. I  flip through the data stored here.

(TOUCHING  HIS  HEAD)

 Access it. I must find what is missing by rifling through it pixel by pixel and running over it repeatedly.  Curiously, I saw something that made me pity myself.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

And what is that? What did you find?

 

JOHN

I found a souvenir that haunted me forever; I did not find a physical form; no, I found my innocence, and I have forgotten it.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Your innocence? Are you questioning whether you are guilty of something?

 

JOHN

Maybe I am. No, I don't think so

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Maybe that is what your nightmares are all about. You are chasing your innocence to cure your guilt.

 

JOHN

I know what you're getting at.   Old sins cast long shadows.......

Is that what you mean?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Exactly!

 

JOHN

You're wrong!  This morning, I  woke up to recall being dead. Dead, but I couldn't shut my eyes. At that time, the horrors of the past vanished; now, that is what I  call happiness!  I will laugh and cry when I know that innocence has died with me. Doctor, when I corrupted my soul, it was a terrible time, for venality was there who plunged my sad heart into misdemeanours. My desolation reigned, and the misery sustained.

When I was dead, I was great; it was a marvellous time.……

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

If you were dead..…

 

JOHN

(CUTS HIS OFF)

I was dead; I fell into the pit of darkness. Unfortunately, it wasn't for a long spell,  but dead I was. Somehow,  I was resurrected and reborn amid gratification. As I saw it, the reincarnation jeopardised my repose; it restored my life into condemnation. Tell me, Doctor, why do I deserve this punishment? Who is passing judgment on me?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you know what you're saying, John? Being dead makes you happier. Why? It's a bit far-fetched, no?

 

JOHN

Why? What else? When I was dead, I was clinging to my innocence,  that great feeling of being fresh, cleansed; I know when I die, I will embrace innocence eternally...…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Innocence! You are obsessed, but that word this afternoon? Why?

 

JOHN

If I can claim innocence again, I will have a blameless time, a perfect time indeed, for I hope virtue will be there, and my life shall change from mediocrity to sublimity. Sublimity is a mighty and nice word. If only I knew what it was..…..

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why say it, then?

 

JOHN

It sounds friendly and powerful; I don't need a reason to utter words. Words make me feel good. I will laugh, cry, and be angry, yet innocence will remain hidden within me. Why are you making me repeat words?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

There is no reason; you are repeating your own free will. There may be a point of view about it. All I can tell is you are being your own judge and jury.

 

JOHN

Time marches on, it seems, and yet I am still. I don't think time moves for me; if it does, it goes very slowly. Doctor, let me tell you what I have in my mind. Everyone has niggling problems, and they worry, too, don't they? My worry is rather unique. That is why I have come here. Why do you think I talk too much? In many words, I am confused about the main reason for my predicament. Words cover up what I can't bring myself to say, what's troubling me, until I speak the words; my anxiety will remain only a dream. Once I have uttered words, I've manifested anxiety, not purposely. I became scared.

(WITH  A  CHANGE  OF  VOICE)  

I'm terrified, Doctor. Anxiety terrifies me. I'm not used to expressing complex words unless in a dream. In my nightmares, I say a lot, and they mean a lot. I think you have already found that out, Doctor.

(LAUGHS A BIT)

I do go on, don't I? I can't help myself. Yet when the nightmares come, mine is neither trivial nor insipid nor nondescript. Perhaps an influence of something else is the solution?  It could be, could it?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

There is an option, but it has yet to be. It could harm you more at present. I will know when you're ready for that. Since I saw you last, you have only spoken about your true feelings. Yet you have never mentioned anything if you had new nightmares at all.

 

JOHN

I don't need to tell because you know damn well I have nightmares daily. At least they're not re-accruing, but they are terrifying at the same time.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Of course,  I know, but it's not up to me to push you through it. I would like you to tell me when you're ready to do so; that way, your conscience will be guilt-free. Would you like to tell me what the nightmares were about?

 

JOHN

I might as well.  What I am about to describe is different from my other ones. This one started as a beautiful dream, come to think of it, but then it changed; it became....…...

 

(HE STOPS)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Yes, it became what?

 

JOHN

(IN THIS MONOLOGUE,  HE  HAS TO CHANGE ACCORDING TO STARTING CALM AND ENDING UP VERY EXCITED AND AFRAID.)

It's horrible and confusing. I was sleeping, and while sleeping, I  was also awake. I had a dream; it was sensual, very sensual, not just thrilling and sexy. There was a discrete unification between my body and the dainty, pungent smell of a woman's skin. The smell of sweat,  the saliva and the odour of her ruffled hair. I could see over her glistening body; everything was static. My contentment was infinite, doctor. There, I felt the need to cry, but I couldn't. As my eyes were closed then,  I did not mind; on the contrary, I thought that the insecurity was part of the blindness and that my brain was concentrated on visualisation. When I opened my eyes, each one of them was registering with delight the gleaming pureness and the silent ecstasy. The blissfulness was complete. I could have stayed like that forever. I thought that was what John wanted, and I accepted him. It was the life I wanted, and I accepted it too. It was all in a closed room,  with no windows, doors, or ceiling,  a room vacant of everything, including its walls. Perhaps it was an empty void. That didn't matter, though. I didn't care about the configurations. From my dream,  I woke up and felt profound in that sleep mode. I was content. Near me was the woman I love, motionless,  still asleep.  I persuaded myself not to be frightened. The only thing I did not want was to be afraid. Not to be taken by panic. I did not want to cry, scream or hammer my hands on the non-existent walls. I had decided to be composed. Then, she woke up slowly, and I looked at her excitedly. I tried to speak to her but couldn't

utter a single word. I felt ignored by her. She was somehow indifferent and withdrawn, fascinatingly. I was eager for us to make love, but when I tried, I could not penetrate her. She wasn't sensual at all and started to laugh out loud. I felt a fit of crazed anger and pulled away from her. I did not want to harm her, no sir, I thought I didn't want that. But I was deranged with rage and fear. I had to stay calm and unafraid. There was also an affectionate moment of total stillness.  It is very hard to describe the instant.  The dullness began to disperse and was substituted by a soft sharpness, like a pleasant pair of hands stroking her damaged body. Then it was ghastly. It was inconceivable. The woman was dead.  I knew  I had killed her in some gruesome and painful way.      

Then I woke up sweating.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(CALMING HIM DOWN)

Calm down, please, John, calm down.

​

JOHN

How often did I say I hate and wish other people dead? How did I want to hit them, defy them and threaten them? Even spit on their faces, spill a little blood? I tell you one triumph in contrition, that is all I needed. Then, all right, I apologise, and all is harmless.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What are you talking about? Apologising for what?

 

JOHN

It's like a play, with rehearsed lines,  pauses, and outbursts with all the exits all prepared. The absence of the audience is complete.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That inconvenience can be rectified, John. Because what you dream and what you're telling me are unimportant because they are not real.

 

JOHN

No, of course, it doesn't make sense.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What doesn't?

 

JOHN

You know, doctor, of course, you don't know?

(HE LAUGHS OUT LOUD)

I am the devil!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Satan?

 

JOHN

Himself, yes.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

In your nightmares, yes, maybe.

 

JOHN

Yes, OK, in my nightmares, so what?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Take away a man's dream, fill him with whiskey and despair, and then try to imagine the thoughts that go through his mind. But at that same time, there is someone who knows him well, and that someone will visit him right now. His destination is headed straight to the darkest imaginings of his mind. Who are you? That is a profound question.  Are you just a man? To be exact, are you a human being? Maybe you are not as interested or curious as others,  but you live, you think; therefore, you are a human being, not the devil! So, if I believe you are a human being, why am I trying to justify to myself that your purpose for being here with me right now is to help you? This purpose, as straightforward as it sounds, I cannot fully understand it yet; above all, I know I can cure you of your morbid and confusing nightmares. That is my goal; that is my purpose. I ask myself, why were you given a life of misery and depression? Is it because you were brainwashed since you were very young, and nobody did anything about it? Perhaps I expect wonders, and I believe I do.

(IN A MORE SUBTLE WAY)

John, were you wrong to come here?  Maybe you are disappointed, and I am not what you expected from me. If so, what can you say to my face? You are not a fool, John, and I know you're not to be laughed at. Tell me, John, what do you think?

 

JOHN

I don't think, doctor, I know. I know I am different. I know that whatever I try to do to help myself, it becomes worse. I  am what I am. Death is my love because I am nothing but a fool. Many are afraid of dying, but I am not. The way I live now is a one-way, sure-fire ticket to my demise.  There is no alternative for me. You might think there is.  Doctor, I wished to end it all from the moment I started to cry. Yet, although I am devoted to death, I am not considering it.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

If I had suspicions of that, I would take precautions.

But you speak a lot about death and your demise.

 

JOHN

If I see darkness coming on to me and notice my flickering lights going off, I will not shed a tear. I will not be afraid. Not because I believe there is something else, but because I believe when a body dies, it is the end of everything. Apart from that, I cannot think of anything else because I have t been there, and nobody I know who is dead came to tell me about it.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That is quite a reasonable assumption.

 

JOHN

You see, death is not terrifying,  but the nightmares are. When I wake up from one, I am confused; in a nightmare, although not in a glorious environment, everything seems to come my way. All the pieces of the puzzle fit. My life is complete. That is why when I wake up, I am confused and disappointed.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Nobody should rely on nightmares. If we start believing in fantasies, then this is untrue. Do you think this minute is a dream for you and me now? A fantasy?

 

JOHN

Can you reassure me that it is not?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I can. You just told me that you just killed your lover. Right? Where is she now? Buried or at home, work or dancing?

 

JOHN

I don't know! I last saw her ten years ago! Yet I know she is alive because I can feel it inside me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

So she is not dead. Right?

 

JOHN

I suppose so..…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

 

There is no supposition about it.  I keep on telling you that your nightmares are not real; they're only manifestations of the mind. What I call wishful thinking.

 

JOHN

Exactly. And you, to cure me, want me to get out of them? Without my nightmares, I am nothing. If or when it happens, I would rather die or do it myself.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John, you are contradicting yourself now.    

You are here because of your nightmares.

 

JOHN

I am here because I am an alcoholic.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Precisely.  And it's the alcohol which is giving you this terrible life. Without understanding, you are seeing images, hearing sounds and sensations that seem real but do not exist.

 

JOHN

If you say so.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I damn well say so.

 

JOHN

Yet before I fall into another period of my time, the void I  feel tightens so hard within me that it feels like a belt of sharp thorns pressing, making me nauseous, feeling disgusting and unpleasant. The emptiness of my inner body, divided into sectors, makes me alarmed, apprehensive and overwhelmed. The consternation, the dismal dread of fear that erupts in me, frightens me less.

(SUDDENLY STOPS)

​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Continue, why did you stop?

 

JOHN

I know what your answer is going to be.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That once you have a drink, all that disappears.

(JOHN NODS)

But that's not a cure, John. That is what the body is telling you: it lacks the need for alcohol. Once the pills I have given you take control, the body realises that the lack of alcohol is not needed anymore. In other words, the body understands because it has not been constantly fed by alcohol, so it has got used to something else.

 

JOHN

Well, the pills are not working yet.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you mean to tell me you are drinking behind my back?

 

JOHN

No. I mean, even though I haven't had a drink for many days, I still get the nightmares.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Well, your body has not adjusted yet to a cleansed environment.

 

JOHN

It's bloody time it did. I am still in an awful state, as you can see.  I am still in a zone of horror,  where nothing and nobody can enter except myself. A place where I understand everything while others do not. It is a place between my conscience and me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I like the phrase, zone horror, yet I wouldn't say I like it simultaneously. As I  said before, you are not stupid; you are very literate, and sometimes I feel that you are too intellectual. I hope I am wrong, but sometimes your intelligence is the cause of all this.

 

Something to do with the past and either you have deliberately forgotten or the past..…........

 

JOHN

(CUTS IN)

The past. What would I do without the past?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Carry on. The past is rendering you ..…

 

JOHN

Insane!?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I wouldn't say I like to use that word; let's say it plays a massive part in fantasies.

 

JOHN

Since I stopped drinking, my changes psychologically and also physically are immense. All the mutations that have taken place within me are immeasurable. The rebirth I have acquired morally is excellent. What caused it? What changed me from everyday living to a more nervous wreck? Maybe I have been metamorphosed, yes, but the past nightmares continue to haunt me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Don't think that you are doomed, and your sorrows will not disappear. I don't believe you are condemned to an eternal lament. That is why you are here. I know you still get the nightmares.  But I'm sure one day they will disappear slowly.  I know that I cannot expose you yet to more extreme treatment.

 

JOHN

My appointment hour is imminent. You can see I am in a critical time.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I can see and sympathise.

 

JOHN

Is that enough? I am approaching a moment of truth, and I shall reveal it. It is my turning point, which is a vital moment for me.  

The dance of the skeletons is coming.

Memento  Mori!

No fear of death.  

Not for me,  not any more.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Your tragedy is being built around you because you want it to be so. I will help you, but you have to help me, too. I can ease your pain with a tranquilliser, but that won't cure you.

 

JOHN

(QUIET AND RESOLUTE)

Then, I shall not live any longer. Last night's nightmare is becoming a reality. I am no longer in control of myself. Am I being controlled by you, perhaps? Why did I not think about that? Maybe you are using me for your benefit. Tell me, doctor, tell me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

What do you think?

​

JOHN

(ANGRY)

You bastard! I'm not supposed to think. I am asking you.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(CALMING HIM)

You told me about last night's episode. Why?  Why so vividly?

 

JOHN

Because it is the truth, I have been told lies before. I know what I am now because last night's nightmare revealed who I truly am.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

And who are you?

 

JOHN

I am nobody to anybody. I am only a simple thought, a concept in the darkest imagination of your mind.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why do you say that?

(REASSURED BUT GRABS THE PSYCHIATRIST BY THE COLLAR OF THE JACKET)

Because my dear doctor, I am also a victim of paedophilia and a victim of my mother's unfaithfulness to my father.

 

 

END OF ACT TWO