CHARACTERS

 

The Observer

The Wife

Her Husband

The Mother

Her ChiId

The Psychiatrist

The Unknown Friend

The Councillor

The Woman

The Blonde woman   

The Rastafarian Man

 

SCENERY

An entrance of a town Iibrary. showing pubIic door, two seats and other smaII appropriate decorations. (Like a stand with New Books)

 

TlME

The present

 

 

THE OBSERVER

 

Good evening, everyone. weIcome to the IocaI Iibrary. Did you know that any Iibrary that exists hoId too many reaI-Iife taIes? One onIy has to be patient and Iisten.     By the way I am the observer, and today I am here to observer the Iife as it is Iived. why am I here you may ask? Did you ask me? Right whether you did or not I am going to teII you. yesterday  I was searching on GoogIe for a book I have read Iong time ago. you see, everything  these  days  is  very  expensive  unIess  of course you go to a charity shop, but even these are Iearning fast. yet again charity shops are Iimited, and you cannot aIways  buy what you want. As a  ruIe,  I don,t   Iike  to   borrow   books  from  the   Iibrary,   but yesterday I decided I wiII borrow one.

“The House on The strand” is the book I want to read again by Daphne du Maurier which was first pubIish in 1969. I teII you the truth I don,t know why I have the notion to read it again, but once something pops into my head I have to carry out regardIess.

so here I am, and as you see I am dressed in bIack aII over. BIack is my favourite coIour because it goes weII with  my  character.  I  am  serious,  intense,  secretive, mysterious, stormy and above aII bad-tempered.

 

(He looks around him again)

 

SurprisingIy it is not busy. I better go and find the book I want which is upstairs. See you in a few minutes time.

 

(He exists after five seconds he pops his head out)

 

That was quick, wasn’t it? It the fastest book I have searched for and found.

 

(Shows the audience the book)

 

This is and it is a fascinating book. But, hey, you don,t want to hear about the book, you came here the see what,s going to happen in observing Iife. when I was waIking down from the bus stop to here, I had a weird idea. So weird I stiII don,t know if I can reaIIy do it. I thought  once  I  get  hoId  of  the   book,   instead  of returning home, I wiII stand stiII here ……

 

(He jumps to the side of the main door)

 

And stand stiII, Iike a statue, without movements and emotions for  may  be  an  hour  or two.  I  aIso  Iike  to observe  peopIe  so  this   idea  wiII  give  me  a  great opportunity to study individuaIs as they come and go. I must aIso teII you that this idea came when few years ago when I was ceIebrating my 25th  anniversary of my marriage I took my wife to venice. I was surprised as we  waIked  by  the  promenade  to  see  many  artists standing  as  a  character  without  moving,  there  was charIie   chapIin,   LaureI   and   Hardy,   some   exotic characters from their  carnivaI  and so on.  HonestIy, they were amazing, you can take a seIfie with them, taIk to them, but they never move an inch or taIk. Now that was very educationaI, wasn,t it?

I know it is a huge task but as many say if you don,t try you won,t succeed.

So here I am ready for action, or to be precise for no action at aII.

 

(The Observer stands still as though he is reading a from the book)

(There  is  a  slight   pause,  when  the   UNKNOWN FRlEND walks in ignoring the observer and exist to the  library, there  is another  pause. The WlFE and  her  HUSBAND  enters.  She  is  plump  and exhausted while he is in a sleeveless shirt with a tattoo or more. The wife sees the chair and goes and sits on it.)

 

THE HUSBAND

what the heII is wrong with you? You,ve been in this mood since we Ieft the house.?

 

THE WlFE

can  you  pIease  Ieave  me  aIone?  can  you  just  go away? And take the bIoody dog with you too.

 

THE HUSBAND

But he,s your dog?

 

THE WlFE

Go away both of you. Go an untie the dog and Ieave. I want to be Ieft aIone. Do you hear me?

 

THE HUSBAND

This is not very nice of you.

 

THE WlFE

You see nobody understands me.

 

THE HUSBAND

What  the  fuck  you,re  taIking  about?  what  are  you saying?

 

THE WlFE

Nobody understands me. No one Iikes me either. No one.

​

THE HUSBAND

You know perfectly well that I like you.

 

THE WlFE

That's not true. It bothers me when you lie to me. It's one big lie after another. Don't you think I know that you hate me? No one loves me.

 

THE HUSBAND

I love you; you know that. Your dog loves you, too, and you know dogs don't lie.

 

THE WlFE

No,  he doesn't. He doesn't come and sit with me anymore.

 

THE HUSBAND

That's because you frighten him!

 

THE WlFE

You see, you admit it. Now go away and don't come back, both of you.

(As the man starts to exit)

It would be much easier if I did not exist anymore. That way, you don't have to feel guilty about me.

 

THE HUSBAND

(He walks back to her)

Now, that hurts. You stabbed me just right in here.

(Points to his heart and thump it)

You always shatter my feelings.

 

(There is perfect silence except for the observer, who turns slightly  at  the  audience and makes a gesture as though he is telling her, "What the hell are they talking about)

 

THE HUSBAND

(Changing the subject)

Remember I've put a roast in the oven.

 

THE WlFE

What did you say?

 

THE HUSBAND

We have a roast in the oven.

 

THE WlFE

What kind of a roast did you do?

 

THE HUSBAND

A leg of a lamb.

 

THE WlFE

(She struggles up to her feet)

Let's go home then because I feel a bit puckish.

 

THE HUSBAND

Come on, darling.

 

(He  puts  his  hands on  her shoulders and walks out with her.)

(The MOTHER and the child walk in; the MOTHER keeps walking through, and the BOY sees the OBSERVER and stops staring. He starts teasing the man, puts out his tongue, etc. (This is down to the  DlRECTOR  imagination.  From the inside we hear the MOTHER)

 

MOTHER

Come on Wayne….

(Shouts)

Come here I said.

 

(The CHlLD ignore her. The MOTHER comes in and grabs him by the neck. As she pulls him in, the boy kicks the OBSERVER, and they exist. The observer doesn't move until they are out of sight.)

 

THE OBSERVER  

(Rubbing his leg)

The little bugger ……

 

(The UKNOWN FRIEND coming out of the library carries a few books in his hand. From the entrance The PSYCHlSTRlST comes in and stops the UNKNOWN FRllEND.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

How are you?

(The  UNKNOWN FRIEND stares at him with astonishment)

You know I still practice. But it doesn't mean I must retire early because I'm a psychiatrist.  I wish I had, though.  Do you know I have been more than twenty-seven years, and to tell you the truth, I am completely worn out and have had enough of people? Month after month, year after year, I had to listen to patients who were satisfied and confused with their lives and who wanted to have fun. I tell you, they want to have fun while they take all the enjoyment out of me, and they expect me to help them regain it. My life isn't exactly much fun, either. People are very demanding, and that is what I have considered after all these years, and you know what, I stick to it. They demand to be happy, but all the while, they are selfish, self-centred,  greedy, and outrageous.  Sometimes, I like telling them they are arrogant and bloody mean, too. After spending hour after hour of therapy, trying to make a callous person happy is an uphill struggle. There is no point in trying. I could not do it. Do you know what I do these days? I prescribe anti-depressant pills; the stronger, the better. Well, that's the way I feel about it.

 

(Without waiting for a reply,  the  PSYCHlATRlST leaves the UNKNOWN  FRlEND and exits to the library. The UNKNOWN FRIEND is lost for words, looking around him with puzzlement.)

 

UNKNOWN FRIEND

Who the hell was he?

(And leaves the library)

 

(The OBSERVER  looks around and moves to the audience)

 

THE OBSERVER

I have just observed these three episodes, and it is a bit quiet, I will relax a bit, without breaking the experiment I am trying. Have you noticed that none of the employees has been seen? Where are they? They are behind the desks helping with inquiries, but not all of them, unless they noticed me and thought I was an idiot.

Since it's very quiet, I tell you what happened to me yesterday. In the morning, I was determined to buy a new  DVD player to archive my favourite television shows. The bus I wanted to catch was at 9.18 am. The weather was appalling and drizzling, but the rain didn't stop me from going out. When I was all wrapped up in a heavy coat, I forgot to mention it was bitterly cold too; I made sure that I switched off any hazardous electric appliances, and the animals were well taken care of, in case I was late. I shut the door behind me at about 9.10 am; 7 minutes is enough to reach the bus stop.

When I arrived at the bus shelter, I was only about 10 seconds away when  I saw the bus just a few yards away from reaching the stop. I waved like a madman for the driver to notice me, but the bastard did not stop. Now, I had to wait another 15 minutes for the 9.33. I was so angry and upset that I didn't notice that I hadn't brought the umbrella with me, so now I was standing there like a spare prick at a wedding, getting wetter and wetter, watching cars passing by.  All types of vehicles, from small ones to huge lorries, notice the different colours and the wipers moving from one side to the other.

And still, there I was, waiting, now thoroughly soaked; I could have used one of those wipers for my glasses, and would you believe it, I realised I had  left home without a handkerchief when I usually carry two or

three in separate pockets.

I was about to change my mind and forget about purchasing the DVD  player. I thought it was not important enough for me to get pneumonia. Then, finally, through the drenched glasses, I spotted it: the next bus was coming from afar, too far for my liking. I got on the bus, paid my fare from some loose change I had in my trousers pocket and sat down, trying to sort out my state. I am sure I looked like a drookit craw. For those who don't know, drookit craw is a Scottish phrase meaning soaking.

But that early morning keeps reminding me that you never know what is waiting for you around the corner. Another sympathetic driver would have stopped for me for a second or two. I would not have stayed for eighteen minutes shivering with cold and getting soaked.

When I arrived in town, I went straight to the shop where I saw the DVD player advertised. I went right in, and without hesitation, I told the assistant I wanted to buy a player. I gave him the model number and all the necessary information about the product. It wasn't long before the man was holding a box. He placed it on the counter and sorted the bills on his cash machine.

But then it happened. I couldn't find my wallet with all the credit cards and the cash.

The man looked at me suspiciously, and I explained that I had forgotten my wallet in a rush to catch the bus.

I was very disappointed when I left the shop; I could feel a flurry of snow coming down. I was cursing all the gods and all the saints, angels, and cherubs at the same time because I had to walk home, as I did not have enough change to take another bus.

Bloody DVD player, next time I will buy it on the Internet.

 

(THE OBSERVER has no time to go to his position, so he takes the same pose as he did on the spot)

(The COUNClLLOR and the WOMAN enter)

 

THE WOMAN

We couldn't ask for a better day. There isn't a cloud in the sky; unlike yesterday, it poured all day. I love it when it is a beautiful sunny day.

​

THE COUNClLLOR

So do I.

 

THE WOMAN

The daffodils are beautiful, aren't they?

 

THE COUNClLLOR

They certainly are. However, I don't know why the council wastes so much on growing daffodils when they can use them for better causes.

like filling the potholes on the road.

 

(As they continue talking, a Rastafarian man comes out from the library and sits)

 

THE WOMAN

I know what you mean.

 

THE COUNClLLOR

You know, I heard we are bound for more rain over the weekend.

 

THE WOMAN

Are we?  That isn't good. I was looking forward to it because I am going hiking.

 

THE COUNClLLOR

What brings you to town today?

 

THE WOMAN

I came to vote in the council election.

​

THE COUNClLLOR

What a coincidence, so did I.  If I'm not intruding, whom did you vote for?

 

THE WOMAN

Not at all. I voted for the independent candidate.

 

THE COUNClLLOR

Good, because I voted for him too.

 

THE WOMAN

And what do you do?

 

THE COUNClLLOR

I'm a councillor …

 

THE WOMAN

oh…So you …

 

THE COUNClLLOR

Yes, of course, I voted for myself. Who else?

 

THE WOMAN

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I hate politicians.

 

THEW COUNClLLOR

So do I ….....

 

(They laugh and enter the library)

 

(A BLONDE WOMAN, probably Swedish, German or Danish, comes in from the entrance, stops and stares at the RASTAFARIAN man)

 

RASTAFARIAN

(Looks at her)

What',s your problem?

 

BLONDE

(Speaks with an accent)

Sorry? What did you say?

 

RASTAFARlAN

You keep staring at me. You'd better keep your eyes to amuse yourself somewhere else.

 

BLONDE

I'm sorry,  I'm sorry.  You see, I have never seen Afrikaans this close and in person. I am sorry. I am from Sweden.

 

RASTAFARlAN

Don't you have Afrikaans from where you come?

 

BLONDE

I don't know, I don't live there, but are they all like you?

 

RASTAFARlAN

(Angrily and stands)

What do you mean, all like me?

​

BLONDE

So beautiful?

 

RASTAFARlAN

(His mood changes, and he speaks shyly)

I don't know about that.

 

BLONDE

Please don't be embarrassed. You are handsome. My name is HellIIeena.

 

RASTAFARlAN

I'm Michael.

 

BLONDE

Do you live here?

 

RASTAFARlAN

I'm at the university ……

 

BLONDE

So am I….What a coincidence.

 

RASTAFARlAN

Do you fancy going for lunch with me?

 

BLONDE

Do you mean now?

​

RASTAFARlAN

Yes, why not …....

 

BLONDE

Ok, but first let's go to your room and make love…..

 

RASTAFARlAN

What?

 

BLONDE

It is better to get over that first instead of waiting after lunch; many blokes expect that.

 

RASTAFARlAN

I'm not like that, but if you insist …...

 

BLONDE

I insist

(They walk out)

 

THE OBSERVER

(Astonished)

Now, why have I never met a woman like that?

 

 

 

The End