SMOTHER

After the paedophile killing, the media nicknamed me the pillow killer. I thought to myself that since no one approached me, I knew I was safe at present. Yet after this latest information, I decided to leave Wales. However, I did not know where to go. Then it hit me. Why don't I go abroad for a year or two? It was a fantastic idea, especially since I know exactly where to go. I packed my bags, and I was ready to go. I drove to London and stayed in a hotel for several days to sort out my travel arrangements. The following day, I was aboard an Air Malta Boeing 737. Malta is a small island where my grandfather was born. I thought it was an excellent opportunity to live there for a while. Malta wasn't an expensive Island to live in, as it was small.

There, I did not have to work. If I were not extravagant, I would have enough savings to last me a while. I also hoped that I would behave myself and the demon wouldn't push me further while living there. The monster remained asleep. After 18 months, I got bored. A person like Island and I like Malta doesn't suit me. It is too small, and people come to know you quickly, even though I kept to myself. I did not make friends with anybody, and the only people who knew me well were the family of this beautiful local restaurant, to which I went frequently. The restaurant was in st Julians; it was on top of a hilly road by the sea. Their steak was beautiful, and the Maltese red wine was superb. Before I left, I thought I had visited them. It was a decent thing to do since they treated me well, although I lied to them, saying that I was offered a job in Sunderland and had to leave the country. The father gave me a double whiskey on the house and invited me to go back if I returned. Two days later, I was in Sunderland. It will take me some time to get used to its surroundings and try to get a job quickly since I have emptied nearly all my savings during my stay in Malta. But that was no problem for me. I am a hard- working man, and any job offered, I shall take it.

It was raining heavily, and I got home soaked from head to toe that night. I took off the wet clothes in my tiny apartment and had a hot shower. Then put on a dressing gown, picked up the wet clothes and placed them in a basket, went to the kitchen and prepared supper. After the meal, poached white fish with green salad took off the dressing gown and changed into bright green boxer shorts. My flat was warm enough. By this time, I had made friends with Caroline, a local woman who worked at the post office. I met her by chance in a pub, and since then we've seen each other regularly. There was nothing serious about it; we were just a sensible couple who enjoyed life, being together and having sex. We both accepted that. Anyway, it wasn't a good idea for me to get serious with someone. It was insecure and dangerous, even though I was living an everyday life. I worked during the day and saw Caroline in the evenings. I cannot say I was thrilled, knowing that true happiness was never with me. One day, I met Caroline's friend in a pub. She was of her exact age, more busted and slightly heavier. When she saw Caroline, she came and sat beside us. Besides Caroline, to be precise and was introduced to her. From their conversation, I learned Daisy was married to two adolescents.

In my eyes, I thought she looked like a tart, not only in how she dressed but also in how she talked. While I did not say much, I noticed her examining every man who passed us or came in. She even was eyeing me, but did not reciprocate. At Caroline's home, while having a drink, I asked more about Daisy. What I found out wasn't shocking, but I was surprised by how her transgressions compared with those of another woman I cherished most in the past. I wasn't surprised that my dormant demon woke up instantly, knowing she was my next target. I had to be extra careful about meeting her and how to complete my mission. I had to be sure that Caroline would never know I met her when I was still going out with her. It was a difficult task to do.

I was patient enough not to make any errors. "With Daisy, I want to outshine myself", I thought. "I will exceed with more enjoyable sexual manoeuvres." I found out she worked as a nurse in a local hospital through Caroline. Staking her was easy enough. I came to know her duty hours and the time she finished. I planned to walk how she goes to the car park and make her think we met by chance. But before all this, my relationship with Caroline had to end, but not promptly. I will excuse my finding a better job in another town or city. For the first time, I did not choose Torquay on impulse but through the magic of the internet. From Google, I learned that Torquay is a seaside resort town.

channel in Devon. known for its beaches and the coastline, the English Riviera. The town centre offers shops, cafes, and further away is the Marina. I managed to rent a flat on a one-year contract on a weekend trip. I found that the rent was reasonable and there were plenty of jobs available in catering, hoping that I could earn a living that way. Back in Sunderland, I went to Caroline as usual, who promptly asked where I'd been over the weekend. “I went to see a friend in Newcastle”, I replied. At that time, her telephone rang, and from her conversation, I knew she was talking to Daisy.

Twenty or more minutes later, she came and sat beside me. "How could you sustain a conversation all that time on the phone?” I asked jokingly. "Easy", she replied. "I asked her to come to have dinner here tomorrow. You will come too, right?" Agreeing with her thinking, it was another opportunity to see her again and come to know her better. The dinner went smoothly. One thing is for sure, I shall miss Caroline's cooking, which was superb. It was luck on my part, but every time I looked at Daisy, she was eyeing me too. Her eyes were talking to me, and I knew that if I tried to seduce her, she wouldn't refuse. A month after that evening, I informed Caroline of my news, telling her of my new job in Bath and that I wouldn't be seeing her again. To my surprise, she reacted badly. "I thought we knew our arrangement. No

ties. Remember?" "Yes", she answered unwillingly.

"But I did not know that I would come to miss very much. I am very fond of you." "I know, but I cannot help it. What kind of relationship will I have when I am four and a half hours' drive away from here? I won't be able to see you for three or four weeks at a time. Is that what you want?" "No", she replied. With that, I turned around and left her home, saying that I would probably be seeing her the next day. The following day, I handed in my two-week notice. I had to do the right things to avoid any doubts in those who knew me—the time had come. I was ready for Daisy! When I meet her, I ask her for a drink first; then, I shall make my intentions known. If she accepts my invitation for an intimate evening, I shall book a room in a hotel and ask her to come and meet me there.

I had already chosen the venue. The Hilton Garden Inn is close to the city and has over l40 rooms. (Why am I giving this information, one might ask. I wanted to find a big, busy hotel where one would ignore.) Since it is near the Stadium of Light, the home ground for Sunderland FC, I also gave the idea to try and lure her there when there's a football match, where the crowd should be enormous and the hotel busier than usual. By this time, I had ended my relationship with Caroline. I was no longer working and waiting patiently for the opportune moment. The evening came; I drove to the car park near the hospital. I went to a pub nearby and sat there with a pint of beer waiting. Daisy came when it was time for me to have an accidental meeting. Walking out of the pub, I walked near the hospital entrance and waited. There she was, and I thought she walked towards the car park. Although I have no fetish about women in uniform, I found her very sensual indeed, dressed as a nurse, especially hers, which was quite a tight fit. Then I walked in front of her, and she stopped, looking amazed. "Whoever thought I would meet you here!" she said, smiling. "Yes, whoever thought"

"What made you come this way? Are you visiting someone?"

I said no, and explained that I would have a few pints in the pub nearby. Asking Daisy if she was in a hurry, she said no. I invited her to join me, and she did. While having our drinks at the pub, she knew that I had finished with Caroline and asked me when I was to leave Sunderland. "Very soon!" I said, "That's a pity" She said. "Why?" "Well, I thought I would have liked to know you better!" That's what I wanted to hear. After a few more pints for me and a couple of gins for her, we parted, having made arrangements to meet the next day at the Hilton hotel as I had planned. It was Saturday, and Sunderland FC played Newcastle, a crucial derby that should pack the stadium and the hotel.

Booking in the night before, I registered under a false name, wore very dark glasses, and a black beanie to cover my long black wig, which rested on my shoulder. I bought it when I was in London some time ago. I knew one day it would come in useful. On top of my clothes, I wore a long black coat, which I fastened at the neck with the collar turned up. (I thought I looked like a gangster from an Italian film.) with me, I had a medium-sized bag with casual clothes to put on after I left the premises. There was a subtle knock on the door; opening the door, she came in. "Did you have trouble finding the room?" "No trouble at all," she said, smiling, "I know this hotel very well, and I didn't need to ask anybody. I am very discreet." "Good", I said to myself triumphantly. "Would you like a whiskey? "Yes, please" "Great, because that is the only drink I have." We fondled each other for the first half an hour and kissed like two teenagers on their first date. I conquered her mouth with ferocity, which took her breath away, almost making me forget she was about to die. She was helpless against the ambush of my lips. Defenceless against the probing of my tongue and with a sobbing moan, she surrendered. Instantly, with all the desires and all her longings, and the requirements of her adulterous body could provide, she leaned onto me, growling at my sensuality.

I pulled down her black silk knickers with my free hand, letting them drop and fall to her ankles and unfastening my zip trousers. Giving her no mercy, she cried out with each thrust and with each forceful lunge, I felt she would fall away. She was powerless to do anything else.

She was so good at making love that I had no desire to end it. Surprisingly, she did not say much, except for her sexual sounds, which sounded like The Troggs singing, "Give it to me!" This time, I wanted to conquer her death. I did not just wish to asphyxiate her after I had my way with her. I went and poured more whiskey in the glasses, spiked hers with a powerful stimulant and gave it to her. After a while, she started to feel dozy. "There you are, in a position I like best. I've been looking for you since I was eight years old. When I should have lived a normal childhood life, to endure the sexual scenes you had shown me, unintentionally. Look at me now. Look what happened to me. Look at me and see what you have created, MOTHER."

With that speech that she could not understand, I picked a pillow and planted it onto her face, pushing very hard. Her arms and her legs were fighting me like hell, yet they made me press harder and harder until the ferocious movements came to nothing. Pulling the pillow away from her pale, frightened face, I looked at her without sympathy. Unruffled, I went to my jacket, took out the note and placed it beside her. As I sat on the edge of the bed, my mind became confused. Why did I say those words to her? Why did I speak like that to her? When I was eight, she was nowhere around. Then I realised what had happened to me then started to take over my mind with extra force. Why did I think it was she was the other woman? Why did I assume she was the only one I truly loved and adored?

My sixth killing was over; when I killed the other five, my mind was only thinking of revenge, not explicitly knowing why I was doing it. From the first time I met Daisy, she reminded me of the woman. I am sure that is why I did not want to dwell on it anymore. "Carmina Burana" by Orff was playing on Classic Fm as I drove casually to Torquay.

I had been in Liverpool for a few weeks when I met Grace. I did not quite settle yet and had no job. Gracy was a lovely woman in her thirties, brunette and very tall. Taller than me. I met her in a pub, where else? The pub is my day's entertainment. Before she joined me, she was with three other women on the other side of my table. I could see they were enjoying themselves; they were pretty loud. I saw them get up from their seats to leave the pub, except Grace, who went and sat at the counter by herself. She ordered another drink and had it slowly. After a while, I went for a pint two. I went near her on purpose. I've ordered a pint and asked if she would like another drink. Maybe later!" she said. "OK, I'm sitting there if you want to join me."

"And why not?", as she got up from the stool and carried her glass to where I was sitting. We talked a lot, but only about ordinary subjects, nothing about ourselves, and I enjoyed the conversation for a change. On her part, I thought she was very sensible and intelligent. After a while and a few more drinks, I asked her if she would like to drink at my apartment, and she agreed. Even though I had not been here long, the demon was still awake and persistent. There she was, standing to attention and waiting for my touch. I waited patiently; I didn't want to rush to it. I wanted to enjoy her at my leisure. The little moans she was making were classical music to my ears. I then used my tongue to soothe the sensation I've created, unhurriedly stroking her bottom up and down her lips. As I finished savouring her skin.

I placed the tongue as low as I could go. The way I had her poised, she couldn't clench her cheeks together to prevent my tongue from exploring around her, thus causing her to

make more of the incoherent moans I loved most. I decided it was the right time to finish it. I felt a warm emotion towards her. I liked her. Perhaps because I loved how she talked to me at a quiet restaurant where we dined, she was pretty too; her face sparkled, and her eyes were exquisitely blue. I also enjoyed making love to her; I wanted it; it was not just lusting out of revenge. It was something else that I couldn't explain for a reason. I went to her bathroom without saying a word. I splashed my face with cold water several times. I went back to the bedroom, and now she was sitting up, brushing her hair, smiling!

I spoke to her. "I'm going to have a shower." "I come and join you," she said. "No. Stay where you are". I went to the bathroom and turned on the hot shower tap. I washed thoroughly and dried myself. I returned to the bedroom, and I dressed up quickly without looking at her. She asked me to go beside her. I didn't move. Instead, I said I had to go and maybe see her another time.

I left quickly, slamming the door behind me. I went into the car angrily and drove away as fast as possible. I stopped about two miles away and lit a cigarette. I tried to sleep in my car, but I couldn't. Instead, I went home, opened a bottle of red wine and took it to the bedroom. I poured a glass and sat on the bed with my back to the headboard. I kept drinking and smoking for a while. Then I switched the lights off and tried to sleep. I had difficulty sleeping, mainly because I kept thinking of that woman.

I was angry with myself. I hoped that I wasn't falling for someone for the first time. That was ridiculous. I said to myself, tomorrow I will find another one. The following day, I woke with a headache, another unusual thing. I slept with my clothes on, and I was also disgusted with myself. I went for a long drive. I stopped at a pub at about lunchtime and had something to eat from their available dishes. I did not look at anybody; the food and the bottle of wine I had in front of me were enough. I just wanted to be by myself. After lunch, I drove back to town, about half-past three. I parked the car appropriately and walked to a trendy pub. In there, I ordered a bottle of wine and went to sit at an empty table. I stood there for hours; I was on my second bottle when I saw her coming in. I tried to avoid her by putting my head down, but she saw me and approached me. "I did not know you came to this pub," she said. "I don't. I came here unexpectedly." I said, "What are you doing here?" I asked. "I work here she said." Thank goodness, I said to myself. "Well, don't let me stop you." "Hope to see you again sometime," she said as she walked to the staff door. I downed the rest of the wine and left in a hurry.

I arrived home at about 6 pm. I wasn't hungry. I played poker on one of the sites. I have used it and played a lot to pass the time away. That's how the day ended. I hope I'll never have another day like this again. I never saw that woman again. I did my best to forget I met her and succeeded. Six months passed, and one day, as I was driving around, I went past a small hotel and at a glance, I noticed from the vast

window that the bar was busy. I stopped the car, looked again, and decided to go in. I parked a few yards away and went in. I sat by the counter and ordered a pint. I did not look at anybody; I had my head down and was deep in thought.

"Do you always drink by yourself?" the lady a few stools away from me asked. I looked up and saw her sitting a few seats away from me. She had a glass in front of her. "Yes". I said, cutting the conversation short. "You don't like the company then?" "It depends!" "On what?" she asked again." "It depends on what mood I am. I have to like the person!" I said to her without looking.

"I think I know your mood now!" she said. "Do you?"

"Yes," she said promptly, "I do not think you want to be with anyone tonight because you haven't even lifted your head from the glass of beer you're drinking from.""

"I have something on my mind," I said this time as I looked at her. She was quite an attractive blonde, not very tall, but with a sexy, slim figure. I finished most of my beer and ordered a whiskey with soda. "Would you like a refill?" I

asked.

I got up and sat on a stool beside her and told the barman to give her a drink. "Cheers," she said. After a few whiskeys and a few gins and tonics, she excused herself to go and powder her nose. At that moment, the barman came to me and smiled. "I beg your pardon," he said, "You know what she is? Do you?"

"No", I said. I had only just met that woman. "It is not my business he said, "I shouldn't tell you this because you could get me the sack. Yet you seem like a nice guy to me." The barman stopped. "I'm listening", I said. "She's an escort girl, not a cheap one, but she is. She comes here three times a week and tries to pick up gentlemen like you. She doesn't pick any riff-raff if you take my meaning." "Thanks for the tip", I said. "Don't worry, I promise." With that, the barman served another couple on the other side. After a few minutes, the woman came back. "Do you often come here?" I asked cunningly. "Yes, quite often and you?"

"No," I replied. I came here without thinking. I was passing by and saw that it was busy, and came in. "I thought you didn't like company?" she said again. "I've already explained that," I said as I smiled. "Sometimes I like to be amongst other people, but not with them. Do you understand?" "Perfectly!" she picked up her glass and drank the rest of her gin and tonic. "Would you like to come to my place?" she asked without shame. I looked at her and played the innocent. "For what?" "You know we could have a drink and have some fun!"

"Oh, that! That's right, I'm sure you'll have an experience not easily forgotten." "Well, in that case......" We walked out, and the barman smiled at me. She asked me to follow her. She drove a white sedan! I followed her for about fifteen minutes when she slowed down and entered a parking area belonging to a huge apartment block. She had a two-bedroom flat, well furnished with beautiful things. I sat on a comfortable sofa as she went to a modern cocktail cabinet and poured the drinks. She returned with a generous glass of whisky and a long tumbler with gin for her. "Thanks!"

"Do you want to make it a night-long or just a few hours?" She looked at me to see what my reaction would be. I did not react. "You understand, do you? I assure you all is above board, clean, and most of my clients are decent men like you!" Like me? I told myself, she doesn't know what she's talking about, and to whom. Yet the more she mumbled on, the more I enjoyed it. I knew this killing was going to be different. She's a whore, after all. A whore is a whore, whatever the title they give it now. She is in for a treat, the demon told me. I smiled big and told her we made it a long night!" "That will be 300 pounds in advance, please!" "Do you accept Barclays?" I said, laughing, "I'm only joking" I continued as I took the wallet from my back pocket and handed l5 twenty pound notes. "Thank you," she said, "I'll be right back", and left towards another door, opened it and went in. I assumed it was her private bedroom.

I finished my drink, and she invited me to another room, a very lush, colourful but dim-lit room with a king-size bed. Before I went on, I asked for the bathroom, was shown where, and left. I did not want to use the toilet, but wanted to see if anybody else was in the house.

These girls usually have a pimp.

I found nobody and went back to her bedroom. She manoeuvred her mouth with precision on my fully stimulated hard-on.

The sounds she made were glorious sounds that were music to my ears. Her body was quite a toy to play with, so hot and sweaty, I touched her in the right places, and she responded with most gracious movements. She was raw, intense, and had delicious skin, which made my pleasure unique as I opened her legs wide, and with my tongue, I slurped and slurped. She grabbed my hair and pulled me closer. As her legs were spread wide open, she closed her eyes at the touch of my mouth; lascivious and evil-minded. She shook her head, her hands searching for freedom. Finally, I rewarded her with the most brutal penetration I have ever given. As I was thrusting, I placed my hands around her neck, slowly, ever so slowly. I pressed and pressed until I was satisfied with my position, and with one final burst, I squeezed and squeezed; her legs were fighting like mad, her hands stretched out to my shoulders, trying to release my body from her. I thought I was not going to make it. Although she was small, her strength was overpowering. I did not give in to her, and with my right hand quickly loosened. I gave a good punch on the head, which made her unconscious. I stopped for a while and took a breather. I retook control of myself, grabbed the wet pillow from under her head, and ended the job. I lifted the pillow, and her face was blank, her mouth wide open, and her eyes popped out as though their stare was making me feel weak. But I was not weak; I was always in control against my enemy. I did not bother to clean out anything; I dressed quickly, went out of the room, filled a tumbler with neat

whiskey, and sat on the sofa drinking it at my leisure. Before I left her apartment, I went back to the room. I looked at her with pride and placed the signature, not on her chest. I thought about the money I gave her, but decided to leave. "I don't need it!" I told myself.

10.

The agony of my heart found solace in one long, last cry. Was it necessary to see myself as I was and am? My will was no longer mine. It was taken away by hate. Now that I pay for my misdemeanours, I call it payback

time.

I thought my loneliness was repentance for the woman's misdeeds and the atrocities of the paedophile. Instead, it made me weak and vulnerable. Hatred is malicious, harmful and revolting. I know that now. My hate for certain women and paedophiles sent me to near insanity and made me a killer. The hate within spoke to me. I could feel the words in my mind. The words were clear in my mind as though they were in a book. Yet I had neither a book nor a paper to read. I realised that hate is very powerful. "You must avenge her," the words said, "She was weak.

That is why she did what she did.

She loved you all, but the temptation was great. She couldn't refuse the gifts coming so easily for such a simple deed." Those words in my mind urged me to kill. In my mind, she was innocent of her doings.

The thoughts I felt, in the beginning, were like madness. I assumed that the inclinations of revenge were only a few seconds of vengeance.

For a few days, I thought of revenge and dreamt about it. When the time arrived, and I planned the first kill, I was 26 years old. It all started when I was a child. Eight years old, to be precise. The details of how, why, and the reason were essential to my story and my demise. All I know since that early time, my mind has only seen pain, abuse, and destruction. I have seen my MOTHER used by a man who was not my father. (My father was a good, hardworking man.) But for him, the seducer of my mum, and another, a paedophile, ten years my senior, who abused me sexually for many years, compelled me first in my mind and then to reality. All I have done until now inspired me to become what I am. Every woman I saw, any paedophiles I have encountered, were my enemies. They were a stain in my heart, which I had to remove quickly. (So I thought).

The stain did not vanish; I can still see it, I can feel it corrupting my heart and my mind, more and more without respite. I am staring at the noose I have created for my neck—the end.

My end is nigh, as the saying goes. I had achieved my goal.

I am pouring a tumbler of whisky to the top. I am now going to drink it.....

......I have enjoyed that.

I am now walking to the chair underneath the noose. I am not frightened, nor am I sad.

I have reached the chair, and now I will stand on it.

I grabbed the rope in my hand, and I put it around my neck.

I am not thinking of fear.... Instead, I am smiling......

I am going to kick the stool.......................... …

11.

In 25 years, six women and a man between the ages of 26 and 45 died in the United Kingdom. They were asphyxiated. The victims had a sexual relationship with the killer before being suffocated, except for the male.

They were killed in apartments and some in hotels by what was assumed to be by one man,

With no sign of forced entry into their homes, the women thought to have let their assailant in, either because they knew him or because they invited him in after a date with him.

The mounting unrest presumably discouraged women from admitting strangers into their homes. The murders occurred in several cities, in England, Wales, and Scotland. It made it unclear who the perpetrator was and from where he came. The police convinced themselves that all these murders were the actions of one person, alias the pillow killer.

12.

EPILOGUE

In Sunderland, police found the strangled body of a man. He is known to have committed suicide.

On the man's shirt, about 52 years old, was pinned a note written in large red felt pen.

It stated:-

"I’m the pillow killer who left notes beside my victims.

"SMOTHER!"

I thought it was a befitting title as there is the word Mother within it. She was the cause of my ultimatebehaviour.

THE END

WERREJ