Copyright © Alfred Vassallo

First published 2021

All rights reserved.  

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, in whole or in part, by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

 

CHARACTERS​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

JOHN (The Patient)

 

SYNOPSIS

John   Brown, an alcoholic haunted daily by extreme nightmares, is in torment. The only hope to cope with life lies in his appointments with his psychiatrist. Throughout the play, we walk hand in hand with the exhaustion of his mind and experience the traumatic effects of the nightmares he suffers.

 

SCENERY

The action takes place in the medical office of the psychiatrist.

 

TIME

The present

​

ACT ONE

 

(EACH PLAYER ON EACH SIDE OF THE STAGE. THE PSYCHIATRIST FACES THE AUDIENCE IN THOUGHT, WHILE JOHN SITS ON THE FLOOR WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS KNEES AS THOUGH HE IS IN HIS ROOM.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I hate to condemn my patients to an isolated room, feeling wretched and forlorn. I leave them in a room where they imagine many things.  John,  one of my patients,  says he likes a room filled with roses, smothering them with their fragrance, puncturing the mind with their thorns. If John is forsaken in a cell, in solitary confinement, silenced by drugs and pitch darkness, then his troubles will worsen. He often tells me the voices he hears. The noises from a woman in his sexual ecstasy rendered him mad with erotic fantasies, piercing his perceptions with morbid imagination.

​

JOHN

I want to be ignored in space, woeful and hopeless, not in a padded room, but in a garden of nettles, smothering me senseless, puncturing my senses with those fabulous thorns because I am insane, I think.

​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I  wonder if he appreciates being secluded in a winery where the stench of alcohol overpowers his resistance to the cravings, his longings, his dreadful yearnings by the thirst of his abstinence? Would he be forced to succumb to a deadly session of binge drinking again?

Poor, poor John, my patient!  When he tries to keep his affections alive and shows his genuine belief in what his true love within him controls, he recalls vivid dreams of ecstasy; his trance becomes more intense while with his restless thoughts. At the same time, he crushes his confidence to the point that leaves him in an insane boundary.

​

JOHN

I would love being forsaken in a prison cell, in solitary confinement, silenced by pitch darkness, except for the noise of a woman in her sexual bliss, rendering me mad with erotic fantasies, piercing my perceptions with imagination because I am insane, I think.

​

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John is afraid of uttering words of passion and care because, for him, they are muted. He is a man trying to keep his faith alive and clinging to one true love, which has dominated him since finding his soul mate many years ago. He often sobs as he observes his efforts, which usually hang on a thread, driving him into obsessiveness. Poor, poor John Brown, my patient, who sometimes drains my senses, and I exhaust myself trying to control his deep depression. It leaves his mind shattered. I know that in these experiences, he is not only a miserable man but also very collected. He is shared only by his loneliness, captivated in a void space.

​

JOHN

I’d love to be secluded with a woman who is my mother, where the images of abuse and unfaithfulness conspire, overpower my resistance to submit, longing, and yearning for her love. So I will not be forced to succumb to a deadly session of hallucination because I am insane, I think.

 

(JOHN Exits).

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

John will soon join me for another session.  Why do I bother? You see, I often ask myself that question. I am doing my best for him, but sometimes, I can never cure him completely. He is beyond my knowledge of healing and makes me feel incompetent when I know that I am one of the leading psychiatrists in the UK, and all my colleagues know that.  His constant, vicious thoughts are detestable.  The dreadful feeling he captures through his illusions is enough to test Job's patience.  All I know is that there is an impossible conflict between his thoughts. Some of these thoughts are created because of his guilty conscience, while others are there constantly due to boredom and loneliness.  The insupportable rules of these thoughts are neither justified nor defensive; they are intolerable. Some are hard to understand, others very provocative and disturbing, more than flesh and blood can stand.  All this causes his unflappable endurance, yet he suffers without complaint.

 

(PICKS UP THE  PHONE  BUT  KEEPS  TALKING  AND  DIALS  A  FEW NUMBERS)

 

His many thoughts, especially insufferable ones, are causing his extended, distressed, exhausted mind to collapse, driving him to a panic-stricken life.

 

(THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR; HE LOOKS AT THE RECEIVER AND DECIDES NOT TO CONTINUE WITH THE CALL AND PUTS THE RECEIVER BACK. THE DOOR IS OPENED, AND JOHN ENTERS.

 

 

JOHN

Thank you, nurse.

 

(THE DOCTOR STANDS AND GREETS HIM.)

 

Hello John, How are you? Come on, please have a seat.

 

(JOHN IS A SERIOUS MAN, AND THOUGH VERY INTENSE, HE IS SMART AND INTELLIGENT. JOHN SITS.)

 

You know something, John, you are my favourite patient because you come in without complaints.

 

JOHN

(SARCASTIC)

 Good, how many stars do I get for that?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

 I see you are in one of those humorous moods, and that is good!

 

JOHN

(ANNOYED)

Not all that glitters, doctor.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Only sometimes, no. Perhaps I was wrong, and you could be in a better mood.

(HE LOOKS AT HIM)

Have you had a good sleep?

​

JOHN

(LOOKS DIRECTLY AT HIS FACE)

 

Are you taking the piss?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Now, why should I do that? I'm doing my best to help you. The reason you come here is that you need my help. It would help if you had guidance to control your fears and your anxiety and to overcome all the negativity that you possess inside of you.

 

JOHN

The tremors I  feel inside me remind me of Krakatoa; the quaking that goes through my veins is enormous, and the trembling that comes out of my mouth is hardly recognisable. I shake with a rapid, tremulous quiver. All these vibrations conflict with my body every bloody second that passes, so it is not surprising that I will soon wobble unsteadily towards my delightful, sad ending.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I  assume the nurses started your new tranquillisers, which I described last week.

 

JOHN

Yes.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Are they helping you more?

​

JOHN

I don't know doctor.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

How about your nightmares? Are they seizing?

 

JOHN

No! They still visit me; one thing is for sure: they are very loyal to me. What is the word? How does it go when a priest of whoever tries to take away the devil from inside you?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you mean an exorcism? Is that it? But indeed, you don't need one?

 

JOHN

Yes, that is what I need.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why?

 

JOHN

I like youto exorcize the dormant demon from within me!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Dormant demon?

 

JOHN

Yes, that is what I call it. That sleeping demon is always within me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST   

Why do you call it that?

 

JOHN

My demon is always there but inactive. I can feel it, but it stays silent. Then, without warning, it wakes up and creates havoc in my life.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I know what you mean. Are you talking about your alcohol addiction? I can understand; your devil, as you've put it, hasn't got horns. Your demon lies in a bottle, and that is because you need it often.  That is why you have been detoxed. How many times now, two or three times?

 

JOHN

I don't know, who's counting anyway?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I cannot understand how you're managing to acquire the drinks,

 

JOHN

But…......

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Listen to me, John, the drugs I prescribed for you are very lethal, especially if taken with alcohol; if I can prove that you're still drinking alcohol in here, I won't hesitate to put you into solitary. Understand?

 

JOHN

Yes, doctor.

THE PSYCHIATRIST

 

Don't you realise that alcohol changes you completely? You are well-mannered, educated, respectable and, above all, a gentleman. You have artistic diplomas, and yet you wasted all your talents; why, for the sake of alcohol? If you want to cast away your demon, you must first stop drinking, and secondly, you have to keep taking the drugs I have prescribed.

JOHN

(IN A WHISPER)

The alcohol takes away the pain.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Say again and loud.…

 

JOHN

I said it takes away the trembling, the fears. With it, makes me live normally.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you call this normal? The alcohol delivers signals straight to your mind, and you, like a fool rushing in, bow and obey.

 

JOHN

My nightmares have nothing to do with alcohol.  The nightmares are there to punish me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

From what?

 

JOHN

From the past that haunts me..…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

The past is history; you shouldn't dwell on it.

 

JOHN

The past is the downfall of my living now. To recapitulate, the beginning doctor,  I must concentrate very hard because although the past is blurred, it hurts me deeply. It looks like a foggy lane, though I don't need a torchlight to see my beginning! I cannot explain the characteristics of my life because I hate going there repeatedly, yet I cannot stop; something keeps pushing me towards it. The outline of my early years was very disruptive indeed.  It required a strong effort to live it,  not comfortably, but I did. In fact, because of it, I cannot restate my life as I wanted it to be. Perhaps a few years from now, I shall try again and review my past life.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why not now? Why wait?

 

JOHN

I ask myself why I follow the path that can only destroy me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

And....…

 

JOHN

Am I missing something at present, or is it just fun? Or maybe I must take the road to ruin. The incentives are full of doubt and fears, which render me euphoric, and that will lead me to much more pain and tears. Once under the influence of alcohol, everything seems normal. Can you understand what I'm saying?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Yes,  of course, but that is why you have volunteered to come here. You have realised that you needed help. You wanted to change, so instead of ignoring your choice, you felt strong enough to take action, which is why you are here.

 

JOHN

I know, yet it is so hard. I have never imagined..…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That is why I told you not to be foolish and mix those pills with alcohol.

It's not only that you might kill yourself, but the pills won't have any effect on you. You have been here a fortnight, and you were doing fine until the day before yesterday; I don't know why or what happened.…

 

JOHN

The craving and the urges were costly; I must admit that when  I came here,  I  smuggled in some bottles; please, believe me, none of your staff had anything to do with it.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

It is very honourable of you to be so truthful. I know that if you work with me, we will succeed, and when you leave here, you will only remember the past and retake alcohol. I can only promise that I will do my best for you.

 

JOHN

Thank you, doctor. I came here because I was sure about you. You came highly recommended.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Thank you. Our work should become more manageable now that we understand and trust each other. You were telling me about the nightmares....…

 

JOHN

When they come, I feel that they're killing me slowly, and the funny thing, in a way, I look forward to it, hoping I won't wake up from them.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Don't be silly.…

 

JOHN

What else must I look forward to unless something drastic comes my way? My nightmares are like a soap opera, but with a difference. My soap opera revolves around the weird.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I heard you tell me in detail about them since we started our sessions, but I cannot judge your life now by comparing it with what you go through at night. Dreams and nightmares are a mystery. I am a scientist, so I do not believe in Hocus  Pocus. Yet I know they exist.  I  dream of myself, of course, nightmares, not many, but what I mean is that I know what you're trying to tell me. One of our main tasks is to try to eliminate those visions of the night. If you remember one thing, you'll get over this quickly. There is one thing that is positive about you, and that is your health. I do not understand it myself, but apart from bruises caused when you're under the influence, you are in superb condition. You are very healthy!

 

JOHN

Healthy? Do you know, have I told you that even in my dreams, I am an alcoholic? Do you know how many gallons of wine I drink in my world of dreams? I tell you, doctor, I am so pissed with my life that I wanted to quit, and as you said, I came here voluntarily.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Tell me about it..…

 

JOHN

Drinking habits: I had many.  Once, I  took into account a whole week. 

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

You're telling me that this episode you described happened.

 

JOHN

I'm afraid so and frequently.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

But why do you call your nightmares bizarre? Don't you think alcohol is responsible?

 

JOHN

(IRRITATED)

You're the expert; tell me, what do I call them if not that?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I can call them what I like, but you need something else.

You, and only you, have to understand what's happening inside your head.

That way, your episodes might disappear.

 

JOHN

You're saying that I can get rid of my nightmares?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Yes, you can!

 

JOHN

You know what, doctor, you are crazier than I am.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Why did you come here if not to get rid of your nightmares and your addiction? I am here to help you, but in the end, you must distinguish between what you want and what you have. You need hope!

 

JOHN

Hope? It is not my feelings that I want something desirable to happen to me.

I wish for nothing; therefore, I do not hope.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

That is a very pessimistic assumption!

​

JOHN

I am a painter; I have made a portrait of a drunkard, of a man, me, who began dying prematurely; I took the long and excruciating road that led me through a labyrinth of bottles.  I, the alcoholic, who undoubtedly, and without question, now give an arm and a leg or even part of my soul to change my life. I want to shake the filth from my body and erase those bad dreams which have infested my consciousness. Doctor, portrait of a pitiful man, me, who started drinking at an early age and ended up addicted and captivated. An obsession, filling my life with agony …....

At first, a vague humiliation was only the beginning; with a subtle awkwardness I could not get by, I hoped it would disguise the vicious truth, the mysteries and agonies of my uncertain hope. Only my shame held me back; it placed me in a strange and dark atmosphere full of uninvited obscure shadows, where all my inhibitions would appear. The embarrassments that occupied my life, the days came with unexpected tomorrows, the nights followed with anticipated past,  all I had left was a heart jammed with sadness.  The truth becomes confused and blurred, and hiding, in the effect, of all that was huge.

You know, sometimes when I am staring at the ceiling, I laugh or let's say I dream that I will be late for my funeral, with a purpose.......

I am a stubborn man, so I shall be late for the funeral; I imagine that whoever comes to the service and burial will be annoyed and angry, especially if it's a lousy day and they start feeling the cold, getting soaked with the drizzle of the rain. This inhumation will turn into a terrible farce, and the moans and the whispers of the mourners begin to be heard. The ceremonial rites, which the priest is so anxious to get on with, will have to wait for me a bit longer. I imagine myself lying in my coffin, smiling. The ceremony begins as the gravedigger lays the coffin. I see that there is no sign of relief for all present, who by now are all fucking soaking wet...…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(SMILES)

Is that your wish, John?

(SERIOUS)

Do you wish that you were dead? If that is so, you don't appreciate living, let alone trying to get along with it.

 

JOHN

Maybe I am dead now, and this is one of my nightmares? Perhaps I am subjected to nonsensical questions and a crap full of advice.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Tell me why I irritate you.

 

JOHN

(SARCASTIC)

You don't irritate me.  On the contrary,  I am trying to irritate you.  Irritating people is my objective.  I like to watch their faces.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you feel better after you leave here, John?

(NO ANSWER)

Not even a little bit?

 

JOHN

Yes, a little bit.  I know you are a good person, but not always so pompous. I honestly think that you are like me, and I also believe you want to help me.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

I appreciate that, John. I do. Now, would you like to tell me what nightmares you had, if any, since we last met?

 

JOHN

(LAUGHS OUT LOUD)

You see how clever and cunning you are. There you are, trying to trip me again. You know damn well I have nightmares; why do you assume I did not?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Not at all; I am trying to see how well the pills are doing. Do I believe that you have nightmares every single day? It is hard to believe that.…

 

JOHN

(ANGRY)

There you are! So I invent my nightmares, is that it?

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

No. If you let me finish, I would say that, in normal circumstances, it is hard to believe, but you are a different case, and I believe you. What is the point in lying to me and all the descriptions you tell me about them if they are untrue? I think you are trying to tell me something important; I am trying to understand because living like this daily is appalling for you.

 

JOHN

I wish they were only in my imagination; I genuinely want that!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Go on then, please indulge me.

 

JOHN

(HESITATES AND THINKS)

 

I was in a dark place surrounded by creatures I did not recognise at first. When I realised this was my way to oblivion, my life came to an abrupt end. I had to wait to meet whoever presided over my welcome ceremony. I did not flinch when I faced the Lord of the Flies himself. There was chanting as he walked towards me, a beautiful gentleman in a magnificent red silk suit. He was not as portrayed by Christians. I thought if this was hell, I would like to stay. There was nothing scary; everything I had imagined what the hell looked like was false. Every being was dressed up in nice clothes; I did not see anybody naked,  lustful or otherwise. If this was the way to Beelzebub, the place of darkness, then this is my place. I have imagined this place to live many times; I fantasised sweet dreams of perdition, but not like this. In those days, I used to shout, “Show me the kingdom of hell, and I  should be happy.”

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Do you have any particular beliefs?

Why Satan? Why the hell?

 

JOHN

If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be here, would I? No, I do not believe in anything. I assume it was Satan because he is the symbol of evil, and hell is portrayed as a bad place. I thought in my state of mind that evil was the place where I was living. For me, Satan and hell are metaphors; it could be anything,  anyone.  Maybe I am subconsciously content with a new life with those kinds of people and accommodation. Perhaps I will have a better life.

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

And if you change your mind at the last minute, what if you also come to hate this place?

 

JOHN

 

I  hope  I  will be reincarnated as a dog. A humble dog is devoid of sex, alcohol or any substance. I know that without alcohol to manipulate my thoughts and without the temptation of women leading me on,  I would have an easier life, maybe because I am deprived of my habits, and lust is the answer.

HIS MOOD CHANGES; HE BECOMES AGITATED AND CONFUSED. ALL OF A  SUDDEN, HE THINKS HE IS IN ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.

I have a quiet life without discord. The soul is not mine anymore; it belongs to the angel protector. I want to feel welcome again; for once, I want to be loved. I don't want to be forlorn anymore. Underneath my mask, I am a good man, but you don't care who I am, just as long as I am a good patient. Maybe with Satan, I won't be damned. I often asked myself if I could blend with others who have a different pattern than I have. If I mix with them, I will climb the ladder of progress, not mediocrity.

NOW HE IS MORE AGGRESSIVE, NOT TO THE DOCTOR BUT TO THE EFFECT OF HIS STORY. HE MOVES AWAY FROM THE DOCTOR AND FALLS ON HIS KNEES.

Will I  be sustainable?  When my blood mixes with those corrupted souls, would I be fulfilled? If that will be so, then I will not betray myself; I shall conquer infinity; I will conquer my demise.  I will blend my stained blood with them. I will make them my scapegoats. I shall genuinely betray and corrupt them until they are unified in my kingdom of the lost.

 

(THE  PSYCHIATRIST  NOW UNDERSTANDS  THE  SITUATION  OF JOHN. DURING JOHN'S DIALOGUE, HE MUST GO TO HIS DESK AND TAKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DRAWER. WE SEE HE IS PREPARING A SYRINGE FROM A SMALL BOTTLE.)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

Calm down, John. Come, sit, and relax.

 

JOHN

Not yet, I am not ready yet. I still need to finish. I need to continue, I have to continue.…

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

No, John, you had enough for today.

 

JOHN

(CAN NOT CONTROL HIMSELF)

The darkness keeps haunting me and follows me everywhere.  If this is so, my soul is not ready for the transformation because there is only one truth and one lie. Guilt lies in the middle without respite. My decision is not yet made, but when I do, I would like my conversion to be in place. I do not wish to tumble and fall;  I've been in disgrace and still am, and more would be too much. If I had to leave this world, this life, I wouldn't have shed a tear; it would not have been a catastrophe, and I could have probably gotten rid of the trepidation. Wherever I go, I will still be in deep trouble. Who will smooth my way?  Probably, I would be in peace, a solid dream of mine, alone in the darkness, existing in stillness, with no one bothering me. No-one!

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(WITH THE SYRINGE NOW IN HIS POCKET, HE HOLDS JOHN BY THE SHOULDERS)

Pull yourself together now, John. Please, or else I have to sedate you.

 

JOHN

(IGNORING ALL THAT IS AROUND HIM.)

 

Hell! Hell is mine. That is where I want to be. In a place of fire and brimstone, where flocks of bats hover over the abyss, and the gardens of thorns will be ready to greet me. Here, I should declare all that I have felt many times, "Blessed are the whores in the flesh, for theirs is the kingdom of lust!" and all should be terrified. "Blessed are the unclean of the heart, for they shall see the Prince of fornication, and all shall be in sorrows and morbid happiness. There, I will share everything that is not petrified. We shall become immortalised. We shall share all that is corrupt and unholy. We would not be damned, not wholly. I know I will be fucked!

(HE MOVES DOWN TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE AND WATCHES THE AUDIENCE IN A BLANKLY STARE AND POINTS AT THEM)

Damn you, damn you all! Come with me, you all have been cordially invited to my festival. Sing, chant, and dance; this is a dreadful service. Do not be frightened; you don't know this, but you are already here with me. Now you are welcome. Come and enjoy yourselves; show me that you are adulterers, rapists, paedophiles, murderers; come and rejoice in my place. Do not hesitate anymore,  and don't be misled by promises not already fulfilled. Come because the place's charm is generous, and the gifts of wonders are waiting for you.  You won't be denied any more; come and join with my master, my lord; he comes in many disguises; you already have met him at one time or another; now it is that time to reveal yourselves to him.

(FALLS ON HIS BACK EXHAUSTED. THE PSYCHIATRIST QUICKLY ADMINISTERS THE SYRINGE ON JOHN'S ARM. HE MOVES AWAY. THE EFFECT ON JOHN IS NOT IMMEDIATE. HE PUSHES HIS BODY UP, STILL SITTING ON THE FLOOR.)

Where are you, my friend? Come sort out my favours; my wicked heart and atrocious soul are waiting impatiently. I want you to eliminate all the sadness that I face daily. I will obey your commands and praise you always; I shall shout your name loudly so that all will hear me; please, I beg you to set me free from this appalling life.

(CALMING DOWN)

I am very anxious to come; with all my illusions, my fantasies, and my nightmares, I shall join you in the hope that you will cleanse me from them forever. I shall be your groom, your lover, your whore!

 

(THE PSYCHIATRIST MOVES CLOSER TO JOHN, GRABS HIM BY THE ARMS, AND STEADIES HIM ON HIS LEGS. HE THEN WALKS HIM TO THE CHAIR WHERE JOHN SITS AND FALLS INTO A DEEP SLEEP.)

 

THE PSYCHIATRIST

(HE TAKES A SMALL BLANKET FROM ONE OF THE CUPBOARDS AND COVERS JOHN)

(TALKS TO THE AUDIENCE)

 

What we have seen now is the collapse of the mind. Although John was not sleeping then, I am sure he believed he was in a nightmare. The fact that his nightmares are predominant in his mind, I have to surmise that to cure him entirely is to know everything. I know John has a terrible secret inside him; he cannot come to reveal it; once he does, I am sure a cure is possible. The fact that these nightmares have haunted him for so long means that he cannot separate the truth from what is false.

(HE WALKS TOWARDS JOHN AND STANDS BEHIND HIS CHAIR)

The medication administered will ensure that he will rest and forget about what happened now.   In the meantime, I shall quietly try to understand what lies in his darkest imagination, controlled in his weary mind.

 

END OF ACT ONE